Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
