If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
