I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
