we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
