I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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