I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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