i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
