That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
