Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
