I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
