He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
