u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
