do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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