She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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