i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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