He is such a slut. More and more my type.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
