it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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