Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
