There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's rum buckets o'clock
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
