I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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