i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
