Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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