He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
