Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
