The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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