You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he thought i was a dude.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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