I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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