U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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