I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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