Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
