Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
