I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
