We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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