i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
