Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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