Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
