She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
