My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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