I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
