you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
