I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
