Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
