my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
