Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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