i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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