Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
