when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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