dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
