i will never coherently bang her
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
