So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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