Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
