Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
