Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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